Tag Archives: apnea

Living or just existing?


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It’s a valid question. I think!

You read and hear in so many formats that very question. Maybe Alan Watts sums it up best. Many of the self help or self development books and gurus seek to clarify or help us answer it.


Is it better to have the well paying job that you hate in order to try and live the life you want at the weekend? Or better to have uncertain income but the joy of living fully everyday? Answering your call instead of the organisations.  Exploring your creativity instead of being stifled by the rules and wants of the organisation.

There’s no right or wrong answer to this. There is only your answer. Justify it anyway you want to logically but if it’s not right then it won’t sit right within you. It will keep you up at night, it will gnaw at any given moment and a feeling of dissatisfaction will prevail. Do whatever you “feel” is right but search for it first. Live life, don’t exist.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt.

We can also gain much inspiration from a man like Burt Munro, the world is full of ordinary people doing extraordinary things but we tend not to hear much about them as mainstream media continues its dumbing down run to oblivion. If you haven’t watched it go see the Worlds fastest Indian. Hopkins said it was one of his best films to work on as it was more him, his own character. The tapestry of your life is always just in front of you, always just ahead and something we should pay more attention to. It’s up to you where you will put in the stitches. The alternative is to have someone else do the stitching for you.

Perhaps the easiest way to drill down through the dross is to answer the ultimate question.

What will they say about me when I’m dead? Good. Bad or nothing at all?

Run fat boy,run!!


50, Fat, Diabetic, Ahead of you.

Had my first run in a few months. I rarely enjoy a run, I do enjoy the satisfaction of having done it at the end but don’t think I have ever got the runners high and sometimes, like last evening the scenery and weather is spectacular. Lets be clear I am a plodder, the earth shakes as I trundle down the road while slim long legged gazelles saunter pass me. That’s why I usually go somewhere quiet to run. I have two short loops near my house the longest of which is 5k so that will give you some idea of the lack of level I am at. The music does help and I consistently find myself sprinting ahead when a faster part of the song comes along. I think this is good.

Runners (I think) call this fartlek training, all I know is that it helped me lose weight over the years and it’s how I run. I have no mad desire to do more or certainly not much more. Ran a few 10ks but that’s it. (for the moment) So from being a pretty overweight 17.5 stone I managed to get down to about a 13.5-14 stone. Here’s the reason’s why I think.

1. I was aware that my weight was holding me back in freediving. I am a reasonably sized guy anyway so most people were shocked when they heard my true weight, I used to carry it well.

2. I was aware of where I was going, at the time I had a reps job, in the car a lot and stopping for tea and sweets and shit along the way so I have no doubt that 20 stone was in sight.

3. I didn’t lose it in three weeks or months but probably more like two years. I started to train consistently 3 nights a week to the extent I got pissed off if I missed one and felt guilty about it. I cut the sweet stuff to weekends only.

4. I transformed my swims from being like a slow walk to a more intense mixture of distance and sprints with drills etc thrown in. So the heart all of a sudden was challenged and had to beat a hell of a lot harder even though the overall distance may have been less.


Now maybe its body dysmorphia but anytime I feel I am putting on weight again I get paranoid and start training hard for a while and get back to cutting down on the crap.

All this has made my freediving better no question, probably because I have more confidence in myself rather than out and out fitness but also my physical health and mental health are far better. So go get a pair of shorts and runners, do it today and commit to building a better heart. You know you can do it. It will stand to you forever.


Depths of the mind

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Walking in to the Ocean is like walking in to your soul.

At the start you just sit on the edge of the shore, on a rock and everything is fine. Everything is secure, everything is familiar. The gentle lap of the swell is calm and peaceful. Fins on and you fin out just a little bit. The Ocean floor falls away to the depths as you get further from the shore, further from security, further from the familiar. So too the wanderings of the soul or mind.

At some point we can no longer see the Ocean floor, we know it’s there but we just can’t see it. Same in the soul, we can’t see it or comprehend it but we know it’s there. We don’t know where it will lead us, afraid if we go too far down we may never come back. Like in The Big Blue sometimes you need a good reason to come back up. Time and time again though, we do come back and so with each passing episode we go deeper and deeper.

Exploring one or both. I don’t think we should be afraid. It’s what we are here to do.

If you are reading this blog chances are you have a relatively privileged life. Compared to two-thirds of the world anyway. Of course there will be someone better off than you but also someone one worse off. If you are not on the constant search for food or water for survival it’s beholden to you and your duty to humanity in my humble opinion, to search your soul and explore. Find out. Explore the planet, the beauty of nature, the Oceans and yourself.

Plumb the depths, its worth it.